Today I was having an outright argument with my grandma over silly things and losing my top totally.
Somehow in the fit of anger, this song 'crashed' into my head. I have not heard it for the longest time and it has not been sung during worship too, so I honestly do not recall the tune of this song. Therefore, I like to think that it's the holy spirit who played the song in me, to tell me that I should stop this nonsense argument with grandma. Stop being so rude to my elders.

Thank you.

Looking at the series of updates on FB by the so-called nus friends that I have, I feel sad.
They are out together in the last recess week to study or to play, cherishing this last free moment that they have together as friends.
And what am I doing?
I am sitting at home studying daily because I have no one in school whom I can really call a friend.
Back in Y2/Y3, I felt that I had friends whom I can message after school and keep in contact with even during the holidays.
Somehow they just fell apart after I left for exchange.

First, I lost my both of them just like that.
Maybe we had personality differences, maybe I was really hard to get along with but there wasn't any cat fights or outright flaring of tempers and so I naively thought all was well. I did not anticipate the backstab upon coming back home and since then I don't know how to face them, concluding that I don't need them in my life. Somewhere late last year, one made the move to mend the bridge by sending me a FB msg, I replied some time later back and no news after that. Should I make the contact again?

We moved onto Y4 and doing my FYP at JI did not help in maintaining the contacts. Or at least that was what I claimed.
She went the same way as me and yet she still messages/whatsapp/keeps in contact with the friends that mattered to her. What happened to me? I have friends to talk to in class but not one whom I can keep in contact with on a comfortable basis. Maybe other than my group mates from forensics...

Am I close to her because we went to JI? We certainly shared certain experiences together, but somehow I feel that there's always this elusive gap between both of us that I don't know how to bridge. We are not enemies but we are not best of friends too. We were supposed to join them for a trip but she backed out without informing me. How shocking it was for me to know it through someone else's mouth.

4 years. 
I came. I left. With no one beside me.
How sad. How pathetic. A lonesome walking through life.